look out nyc.

  A trip to the city shall begin this Monday. Obvious feelings of excitement and nerves are fluttering in my stomach, but the reality of the next season beginning surfaces a confidence in me. This assurance is nothing foreign nor common. It rushes in swiftly as though it was brought by the wind. To my knowledge and understanding, these feelings are not whimsical thoughts drifting in and out, but truths worth standing on and trusting in. Talk of visiting small bakeries and visiting all of the places I have only heard of in the movies causes joy to well up within me. A big step, such as a move into the "city that never sleeps," does not come without work. It would be nice if family members' emotions emerged rationally and feelings unscathed. There are moments that I believe the dealing with relationships due to moving is a certain degree more difficult than living there on my own. 

  As with any decision, people's opinions inevitably find their place floating amongst the sea of thoughts in our minds. Most people do not receive a handbook on how to successfully leave the nest in the best fashion. The "ripping off of the band-aid" idea tends to leave scars when it comes to this situation. Sitting down and discussing feelings, hurts and fears is much more difficult than picking everything up and leaving quickly. It looks much more like tending to each individual wound to ensure complete healing. It takes patience and humility; two things I am in need of daily. 

  Don't worry, it will all work out in the end. My first thought when hearing this places a passive responsibility upon my shoulders. I dare not be fooled to believe that is the truth. It works out when I choose to work on the relationship, miscommunication, or failings I inevitably encounter because I am human. I try? Is that what the catch is? Does wanting to make things better and trying to have a better attitude work everything out? I know that it would not hurt. It all boils down to, "He works all things together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purposes." I love the Lord and I know that I am called. If I chose to be obedient in anything He asks me to do then I can be confident that I will find myself equipped with every tool I need to face a situation with love and grace. 

   Enjoy the summer sun. 

Currently Listening: "The Motherlode" by The Staves

today.

  Even if it's by chance, do not pass through today without thinking of what you enjoyed about it. Before we know it, awaking becomes slumber and thoughts become dreams. Too easily I slip from one day into the next without taking a breath. Even when our days seem to fill up with activities that we enjoy, at times I feel like I am worried about what is next that I don't just sit and listen. I want to do what I like more often and waste time less often. A bunch of time in our hands leaves us with boredom, yet when we are busy all we can ask for is time. Unsatisfied and demanding creatures we are.
  Pages won't be left unread and a canvas won't be left blank. My afternoons will not become my mornings and my sleep will not cease to exist. This summer will pass before I begin to enjoy it if I am not careful. My warm autumns will turn cold and unknowns will become a familiar friend. But even in those things, I am called to today.

Currently Listening: "Hometown Glory" by Adele

accepted.

  It came over an email. It carried weight, that almost insignificant word in every other circumstance. The news was no shock. Not to the effect that moving to New York should have on one girl of nineteen years of age. As if I could feel completely relieved and excited yet numb in that same instant. Thoughts of who i needed to tell crossed my mind but the overwhelming feeling of peace saturated my being. It was no longer a far off idea. A month or so of sending in the documents and awaiting a response was here. For some reason, one month felt like six. It is amazing how when we are caused to be in a season of waiting, time chooses to pass slower than we would like. But then how swiftly a few days turns into a month or two. In my head, I imagine perfect circumstances; days void of loneliness and time spent surrounded by encouragement and joy. Reality is, we rarely have perfect circumstances. I am not afraid. I don't in any way feel like this step is too high for me to climb. I know that if six months ago someone had told me New York City was on my horizon, my response could have easily become a laugh or roll of my eyes. Today it is real.

  Important decisions don't just happen. They are looked at, analyzed, given much attention and thought, but in the end I feel like that questioning was already decided at the beginning. I make no mistake in thinking that this transition will be easy. I have great confidence that it will be good.

Currently Listening: nothing at the moment.

currency.

 Something initially created to replace the constant trade of goods, this invention swiftly turned its owner from being confident in bartering to dealing with worry in lack. It is paper, bills that hold value because men in tailored suits would say so; important because there will always be a need, more often a want, in the day to day life of an individual. People go to a job that may or may not be enjoyable to earn a sum that will soon be subtracted to level the account back to zero. Not to create a negative tone, but it is a currency. The world around us too quickly puts faith into these pieces of green that create a livelihood many dream of. I have found a confidence in saving my earnings. Month by month I see a number increasing that, even if I don't always realize it, brings a sense of security to my life. Through a series of events and applying to a school in the middle of Manhattan, I have seen a number greater than what I would be comfortable with prancing its way out of that account. Quickened heart beats leave me questioning where my faith stands.
  Furthermore, I conclude that money is an object. It makes the water heat up for a shower, the car run with gas and the house cool in the summer time. We need it on this Earth. I guess there is some nature inside of me that would like to "beat the system." A day of release and prayer has left me believing I already have. The Lord brought me the job that has provided for me to do well, save, purchase my first car, and send money in for school deposits. It was through Him giving me favor that I received commendation for work I put forth. It comes by Him and through Him to bring me to a greater place of confidence. "He owns the cattle on a thousand hills." A new area for me to learn how to trust, but I feel like I am ready. Our security should lie only in Him.

Currently Listening: "Instrumental" by 21 Grams
 

every morning.

Currently Listening: "Farther Along" by Josh Garrells

future things.

  

  We carefully bog ourselves down with such precision concerning the things to come. Thankfully, today I can say I am settled. Not that this is an anomaly, but there are some moments when you are sure. Maybe the trick is releasing your thoughts from the unknowns and solely focusing on what is known. We make decisions today that affect our tomorrow. Instead of reading that with a negative perspective, think about this: I can make good decisions today that will directly affect and better my day tomorrow. I can change my attitude towards a situation or person and aide in bringing about an encouraging end. I can face hard decisions with a humbled heart and know that it will bring about good. 

  Scary, fun, nerve-wracking, calming, and unexpected things happen in life. Through this my hope is that the character to carry me is produced. Even more so, I never have to walk through anything alone. In a few months I could potentially experience a grand culture shock and leave the only home I have ever known. The south might become a place I visit rather than inhabit and the next step in becoming me will begin.  Decisions will abruptly become my own. There might be people that don't like me very much, and possibly a few that enjoy my company and would like to be more than an acquaintance. Nights could be filled with finding a new restaurant or nice conversation over a cup of coffee. They also could be used doing DIY projects, keeping my mind of the ones closest to my heart that I miss at home. 

  I am not there yet. I could be soon. Truthfully, I am okay with the outcome. 

Currently Listening: Music for my final I have in a few minutes. 

losing.

"And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away." -- Steinbeck

  I do believe that sometimes the Lord might use other authors to speak to you. Not for the purpose of their words becoming His, but to remind us that He knows what our hearts are saying, thinking, or feeling. There are many pieces of this quote that I appreciate. 1) "Don't worry" -- the simplest saying yet can overwhelm your day if you don't choose to do it. We have no need to worry. 2) "The main thing is not to hurry" -- We want things done now, not tomorrow, or in a week. It rarely happens that everything we want to happen occurs according to our timetable. If we are "not worrying" then the hurry dissipates  and there is peace. 3) "Nothing good gets away" -- I feel as though this can be attributed to an effort we put forth along with the fact that we are promised good. There is a myth that tells us that something good in our life will always bring us good feelings, perfect situations and uplifting days. Truth is that it is how you respond and press through those moments that are certain to happen that forms a stronger, tight-knit relationship that will not crumble. 

  Take heart and choose truth. It is difficult to bear in the moment, but reaps sure reward.

Currently Listening: "Bittersweet Melodies" by Feist