the city.

  The trip began with a stark contrast of fantasy and reality. As with most experiences, there is a built up expectation or belief of what will occur or be seen. Without even realizing it, in our minds we create an experience along with every feeling, smell and thought. To an even greater extent, we conjure up the people we should encounter and possibly the thoughts we will have. In my journey I found many of my thoughts to be disproved.

  My first steps in the big apple were greeted by heat and a constant flow of people. It seems that the Atlanta heat followed us North. It just so happened that we encountered record high heat this summer, the few days we were in the city. Contrary to popular belief, when stepping onto the streets of Manhattan, The Cranberries do not begin singing, "Dreams" in fall weather. No, to be honest, when looking at eye level the city is nothing special. People rush by you going both ways and we learned the hard way that figuring out the direction we should be going is best when standing outside the line of motion. Navigation is key when living amongst natives. Not many have a minute to spare helping out lost tourists, or prospective "home away from home-ers." Growing up in Paris, Jason was able to catch onto the inner workings of the subway and map of Manhattan. It was an experience like no other starting our first subway ride from Grand Central station. Some places just have that charm that causes you to stop where you are and take it all in.

  When one gets past the odor that rises from stagnant puddles on street corners and characters wearing an array of styles, you begin to develop a sweet spot for largest city in the states. I think the city changed for me when I saw it light up from the top of the empire state building after dusk. The beauty of a city is much different from that of the country, or more specifically suburbia. It is the architecture and well developed grid that amazed me. It all works. Everything from the tallest buildings to the acres of preserved foliage in the middle of a concrete jungle make the unique atmosphere that is called NYC.  

  Just a few steps into Central Park lowered the volume on the sounds of the city. The further we walked into the park, the less I could tell that I was still in the middle of a city. We sat on the grass and enjoyed a bagged lunch from Pret A Manger. Around us people were exercising, napping, and carrying on with their lives. This was normalcy. New York slowly became less daunting. A large section of the park is reserved for quiet relaxation. They refer to it as the Sheep's Meadow and restrict loud music or any organized play. Artists sat on their cots waiting for the peaked interest of a tourist to bring them some work. 

  We drank some of the best coffee and walked down some of the sweetest streets. Locals told us of their favorite spots and with the little time we had, our best efforts took us to Stumptown Coffee to enjoy some espresso. We dined at Lime Jungle with a couple of Jason's newlywed friends and tried some frozen yogurt from Pinkberry. No first trip to the city would be complete without food from a street vendor, so hot dogs and falafels were in tow soon after getting off of the bus the first day. 

  The last day we were in the city, I found the place I would love to live. An area in southwest Manhattan beginning near 16th street is called Chelsea. The buildings were much shorter, encompassing small apartments above mom and pop pizzerias and shops. Flower vendors were coupled on certain streets and the pace seemed to slow down. Instead of a few hundred people passing each minute, the number decreased to near twenty and we moseyed down the broken pavement. An older woman passed us on her way to work, dressed nicely in her business attire while riding her scooter to hasten her pace. Mom and I realized that most ladies had on flats or even tennis shoes with their skirts and dresses, saving their feet from the habitual walking that fills each day. We found Chelsea market and I believe that my heart swooned. A home of pretty things and coffee tends to welcome me warmly. I had thoughts of taking the subway there in winter months to warm my hands and heart on bitterly cold days. 

  "Free" was the name of the game. We tried to find the things we could do without spending a fortune. Someone mentioned the Staten Island Ferry to us and I am so glad they did. The subway took us down into the financial district and let us out at the Ground Zero memorial sight. Not without a detour, we found the ferry and floated across the river with others on their way home from work to catch a glimpse of the skyline and Lady Liberty. The statue sat right off the coast and welcomed all of the foreigners looking for a fresh start and new life. We remember the refuge we were and continue to be because of her. The ferry is a method of public transportation in New York. So as we used it to see a different part of the city, others rested their feet and eyes for the twenty minute ride. 

  It is a beautiful city. In a few short weeks I will call it home. Hopefully it will feel as though it is. I am not scared. Getting some time to be there made me settle into the idea of such a big move. It is an adventure. There will be much adjustment and a learning curve on how to live in a city. I have already seen the provision and the doors open for me to boldly walk into this season. My heart is preparing, but though it is, there will be hard moments, I am sure. 

Currently Listening: "Fever Dream" by Iron & Wine

look out nyc.

  A trip to the city shall begin this Monday. Obvious feelings of excitement and nerves are fluttering in my stomach, but the reality of the next season beginning surfaces a confidence in me. This assurance is nothing foreign nor common. It rushes in swiftly as though it was brought by the wind. To my knowledge and understanding, these feelings are not whimsical thoughts drifting in and out, but truths worth standing on and trusting in. Talk of visiting small bakeries and visiting all of the places I have only heard of in the movies causes joy to well up within me. A big step, such as a move into the "city that never sleeps," does not come without work. It would be nice if family members' emotions emerged rationally and feelings unscathed. There are moments that I believe the dealing with relationships due to moving is a certain degree more difficult than living there on my own. 

  As with any decision, people's opinions inevitably find their place floating amongst the sea of thoughts in our minds. Most people do not receive a handbook on how to successfully leave the nest in the best fashion. The "ripping off of the band-aid" idea tends to leave scars when it comes to this situation. Sitting down and discussing feelings, hurts and fears is much more difficult than picking everything up and leaving quickly. It looks much more like tending to each individual wound to ensure complete healing. It takes patience and humility; two things I am in need of daily. 

  Don't worry, it will all work out in the end. My first thought when hearing this places a passive responsibility upon my shoulders. I dare not be fooled to believe that is the truth. It works out when I choose to work on the relationship, miscommunication, or failings I inevitably encounter because I am human. I try? Is that what the catch is? Does wanting to make things better and trying to have a better attitude work everything out? I know that it would not hurt. It all boils down to, "He works all things together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purposes." I love the Lord and I know that I am called. If I chose to be obedient in anything He asks me to do then I can be confident that I will find myself equipped with every tool I need to face a situation with love and grace. 

   Enjoy the summer sun. 

Currently Listening: "The Motherlode" by The Staves

today.

  Even if it's by chance, do not pass through today without thinking of what you enjoyed about it. Before we know it, awaking becomes slumber and thoughts become dreams. Too easily I slip from one day into the next without taking a breath. Even when our days seem to fill up with activities that we enjoy, at times I feel like I am worried about what is next that I don't just sit and listen. I want to do what I like more often and waste time less often. A bunch of time in our hands leaves us with boredom, yet when we are busy all we can ask for is time. Unsatisfied and demanding creatures we are.
  Pages won't be left unread and a canvas won't be left blank. My afternoons will not become my mornings and my sleep will not cease to exist. This summer will pass before I begin to enjoy it if I am not careful. My warm autumns will turn cold and unknowns will become a familiar friend. But even in those things, I am called to today.

Currently Listening: "Hometown Glory" by Adele

accepted.

  It came over an email. It carried weight, that almost insignificant word in every other circumstance. The news was no shock. Not to the effect that moving to New York should have on one girl of nineteen years of age. As if I could feel completely relieved and excited yet numb in that same instant. Thoughts of who i needed to tell crossed my mind but the overwhelming feeling of peace saturated my being. It was no longer a far off idea. A month or so of sending in the documents and awaiting a response was here. For some reason, one month felt like six. It is amazing how when we are caused to be in a season of waiting, time chooses to pass slower than we would like. But then how swiftly a few days turns into a month or two. In my head, I imagine perfect circumstances; days void of loneliness and time spent surrounded by encouragement and joy. Reality is, we rarely have perfect circumstances. I am not afraid. I don't in any way feel like this step is too high for me to climb. I know that if six months ago someone had told me New York City was on my horizon, my response could have easily become a laugh or roll of my eyes. Today it is real.

  Important decisions don't just happen. They are looked at, analyzed, given much attention and thought, but in the end I feel like that questioning was already decided at the beginning. I make no mistake in thinking that this transition will be easy. I have great confidence that it will be good.

Currently Listening: nothing at the moment.

currency.

 Something initially created to replace the constant trade of goods, this invention swiftly turned its owner from being confident in bartering to dealing with worry in lack. It is paper, bills that hold value because men in tailored suits would say so; important because there will always be a need, more often a want, in the day to day life of an individual. People go to a job that may or may not be enjoyable to earn a sum that will soon be subtracted to level the account back to zero. Not to create a negative tone, but it is a currency. The world around us too quickly puts faith into these pieces of green that create a livelihood many dream of. I have found a confidence in saving my earnings. Month by month I see a number increasing that, even if I don't always realize it, brings a sense of security to my life. Through a series of events and applying to a school in the middle of Manhattan, I have seen a number greater than what I would be comfortable with prancing its way out of that account. Quickened heart beats leave me questioning where my faith stands.
  Furthermore, I conclude that money is an object. It makes the water heat up for a shower, the car run with gas and the house cool in the summer time. We need it on this Earth. I guess there is some nature inside of me that would like to "beat the system." A day of release and prayer has left me believing I already have. The Lord brought me the job that has provided for me to do well, save, purchase my first car, and send money in for school deposits. It was through Him giving me favor that I received commendation for work I put forth. It comes by Him and through Him to bring me to a greater place of confidence. "He owns the cattle on a thousand hills." A new area for me to learn how to trust, but I feel like I am ready. Our security should lie only in Him.

Currently Listening: "Instrumental" by 21 Grams
 

every morning.

Currently Listening: "Farther Along" by Josh Garrells

future things.

  

  We carefully bog ourselves down with such precision concerning the things to come. Thankfully, today I can say I am settled. Not that this is an anomaly, but there are some moments when you are sure. Maybe the trick is releasing your thoughts from the unknowns and solely focusing on what is known. We make decisions today that affect our tomorrow. Instead of reading that with a negative perspective, think about this: I can make good decisions today that will directly affect and better my day tomorrow. I can change my attitude towards a situation or person and aide in bringing about an encouraging end. I can face hard decisions with a humbled heart and know that it will bring about good. 

  Scary, fun, nerve-wracking, calming, and unexpected things happen in life. Through this my hope is that the character to carry me is produced. Even more so, I never have to walk through anything alone. In a few months I could potentially experience a grand culture shock and leave the only home I have ever known. The south might become a place I visit rather than inhabit and the next step in becoming me will begin.  Decisions will abruptly become my own. There might be people that don't like me very much, and possibly a few that enjoy my company and would like to be more than an acquaintance. Nights could be filled with finding a new restaurant or nice conversation over a cup of coffee. They also could be used doing DIY projects, keeping my mind of the ones closest to my heart that I miss at home. 

  I am not there yet. I could be soon. Truthfully, I am okay with the outcome. 

Currently Listening: Music for my final I have in a few minutes.